Ode to Facebook

Hi, my name is Kristin and I am a Facebook junkie.

I admit that when Facebook first came out I was like, seriously? Now I have to know what everyone is doing all the time? Who would be vain enough to be on a website like that? As it turns out, not only am I that vain, I'm a bit of a voyeur, because not only do I like to share the mundane details of my life, but I like to know yours too. Maybe it's because I'm a stay at home mom married to a business traveler, but Facebook makes me feel like I'm "in touch" with people even though I am in my sweats feeding a baby and listening to Elmo's World.

As much as I love Facebook, I find that everytime I log on I find myself irrationally annoyed by someone's post. Here are a few of the Facebook trends that are beginning to put me over the edge.

-The "I just ran 117 miles/did yoga for 6 hours/walked across my living room and burned xxx calories."
Super duper. I just changed a nasty diaper and the image will surely ruin my next 2 meals. Booyah. I also saw someone who wrote "If you don't set the treadmill faster than 8.0 mph you have no business being on." Ok there, Usain Bolt. How about run outside? Also, hello, ignore button.

-PeOpLe WhO tYpE lIkE tHiS.
Seriously, that sentence just took me like 5 minutes to type. Way to make a time waster an even bigger time waster. And this person's counterpart...


-Tha ppl that intenshinully tipe their wurds rong.
If I have to read your post out loud to figure out what the heck you're saying, you're getting an ignore. Get over yourself. Whenever I read these posts I picture that kid from Malibu's Most Wanted (a cinematic classic).

-Peeple whu spell lyke thay never lefft secund grade.
Real quick now? You're=you are, your=your. Lose=reference to weight, loose=what happens to your pants when you lose said weight. Seriously people. Spell check once or twice.

-Parental oversharers.
OK, I am probably (definitely) guilty of this. But I think we should all agree that there are appropriate things about your kids to put on Facebook and inappropriate things. For example, "Stevie just lost his first tooth!" is appropriate. "Stevie just had a major diaper blowout up his back!" is not.

-The cryptic posts.
Example: Joe Smith is worried. Or, Joe Smith can't believe that just happened! Why don't you just say Someone please pay attention to me!!

What am I missing?? I'm off to update my Facebook.