Trials in Toddlerhood, Current Events Edition

First for some awesome news: New Baby sleeps now! In case you wondered, I read Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West, which helped me get her on a nap schedule. This helped her sleep better at night, and then I stopped picking her up when she cried at night. We're on night 4 of 12 hours of straight sleep. Yay! Thanks for all the great advice!

Well since I am no longer sleep deprived, I can now do exciting things like read articles without falling asleep midway through and watch the news. And it's a good week to start paying attention to current events, because wow is there a lot to talk about this week.

I turned on The Today Show a few days ago and they teased that the Duggar family was going to be on with an announcement. No way, I thought to myself. No way can she be knocked up again. But as you know by now, yup! It's true. And I've read a lot from people that hate the Duggars, and people that love the Duggars, and here's how I feel. No one would give a crap if they didn't have a reality show (why do they have a reality show again?). You want to have 20 kids? As long as my tax dollars aren't paying for it, have 30. From what I've seen of the show, I feel like the Duggars are pretty decent parents. They love each other, they love their kids, they love perming their hair and wearing ugly clothes. In the world of reality show parents, they rank pretty high. Way above the Gosselins and any mom from 16 and Pregnant. I personally find it odd and off-putting that their kids are on a reality show, but whatever. As a former reality star myself, I can excuse that.

All my "aren't the Duggars crazy" thoughts were put on the back burner once news of the Penn State sex scandal broke. Surely you've read about it, but if you haven't read this article yet, I highly encourage you to. If you have a strong stomach and no tendency for nightmares, I encourage you to read the grand jury report. I am shocked and disgusted that people are defending Joe Paterno. Unless I'm missing something, the synopsis of what happened is this: Penn State football brings in lots of money, assistant coach helps bring in money. Assistant coach is a pedophile, knowledge of this causes school to lose money, so everyone who knows keeps quiet to ensure that said money will continue to come in. A TA saw a 10 year old boy being sodomized, sat on the knowledge for a day, then told Paterno, who also sat on the knowledge for a day. Paterno told the Athletic Director, saw that the Athletic Director did nothing, saw that the police were never called, saw that Sandusky was continuing to be around his football program, and did nothing. He sat back and let almost a dozen boys get molested. I can't wrap my mind around a society that values football over the innocence and safety of children. It reminds me a lot of this story.

I picked a sad week to pay attention to the news.

The Sleepless Wonder

New Baby is 7 1/2 months old now. She is completely adorable and I love her so much that it physically hurts me. She's got super long eyelashes and squooshable cheeks and I just love her. I know that she's my last baby and I really am just trying to enjoy every second with her and not try to rush her to become more advanced.

But, um. There's just one thing.

Girlfriend won't sleep.

To put things in perspective, we're doing far, far better than we were in the "only sleeping every 30 seconds on Mommy" phase. And, either lucky or unlucky for me, when she was 2 months old, she started taking 2 2-hour naps and sleeping 12 hours straight at night. And I was all, "I have such an awesome baby! My baby rocks! I can sleep again!"

What's that verse again? The bigger you are, the harder you fall?

Once New Baby turned 3 months, she was over the sleeping. Why sleep when you can be awake all night? There have been highs and lows in the sleep process, but here's what my night generally looks like.
6:30-Put the Sleepless Wonder to bed. She falls right to sleep.
7:45-Sleepless Wonder crying. Replace pacifier.
9:00-Replace pacifier. Rock for a few minutes to get her to sleep.
9:45-Replace pacifier.
10:00-Replace pacifier.
10:30-Replace pacifier. Daddy rocks Sleepless Wonder as Mommy is kicking Elmo toys on way to bedroom each time.
4:30-Sleepless Wonder wakes up. Give bottle. Put back to bed.
5:00-Replace pacifier.
5:30-Replace pacifier.

Right now it's almost 8 and the Sleepless Wonder (and Captain Destructo) is still out. And I'm asking you all for help before I lose it. I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and he says to put the baby in bed and ignore them for 12 hours. Ok, I get intellectually that that would work. But then wouldn't she hate me? And wouldn't I also be a hysterical, crying mess? My husband tells me Captain Destructo did this too, but I can't remember that being true. But I forget her name sometimes so I may not be the most reliable. Short of duct taping the pacifier into her mouth, what should I do?

Open Letter to the Lady Behind Me on the Plane

Dear Lady sitting Behind Me On the Plane,

Hey there. You probably remember me. I was the one with the two little girls, who I find delightful and you apparently find detestable. I'm going to go ahead and assume you have no kids (and if you do, I feel very, very sorry for them) so I'll enlighten you a little on 2 year olds. 2 year olds dislike sitting still for a long period of time, particularly if the sitting involves being strapped into a seat between her parents with the seat in front of her lowered into her lap. When 2 year olds are forced to do something they don't want to do for a long period of time, generally they get, um, loud to louder.

Here's what went down. The plane landed. Captain Destructo was super psyched to finally get out of her seat. However, as is typical with bizarro plane rules, it's okay to get out of your seat 30,000 feet above the air while traveling 900 mph, but not okay to get out when you are on a runway sitting still. Captain Destructo was not happy, and starting singing. That's right. Her ABCs in fact. But you, lady behind me, apparently dislike the ABCs very, very much. I will admit that hearing the song 3 times in a row got a little old, but we could have done without your "stop already!" And yes, we all heard you. You were about as subtle as Captain Destructo when she yelled "someone's stinky!" about an hour earlier. We also heard your loud sighs of exasperation.

So, because I am concerned about my fellow passengers, I told her to stop singing. She cried. Even louder than the singing. We didn't attempt to stop the crying. I hope you liked that better.

Sincerely,
Proud Mommy of future Grammy winner

Winner, winner chicken dinner!

The winner of the mug rug giveaway, according to random.org is...


AMANDA BROADWAY WALLACE!!!

Congrats! Please contact Shellee of Everyday Sugar via the email on her facebook page for details.

Ode to Facebook

Hi, my name is Kristin and I am a Facebook junkie.

I admit that when Facebook first came out I was like, seriously? Now I have to know what everyone is doing all the time? Who would be vain enough to be on a website like that? As it turns out, not only am I that vain, I'm a bit of a voyeur, because not only do I like to share the mundane details of my life, but I like to know yours too. Maybe it's because I'm a stay at home mom married to a business traveler, but Facebook makes me feel like I'm "in touch" with people even though I am in my sweats feeding a baby and listening to Elmo's World.

As much as I love Facebook, I find that everytime I log on I find myself irrationally annoyed by someone's post. Here are a few of the Facebook trends that are beginning to put me over the edge.

-The "I just ran 117 miles/did yoga for 6 hours/walked across my living room and burned xxx calories."
Super duper. I just changed a nasty diaper and the image will surely ruin my next 2 meals. Booyah. I also saw someone who wrote "If you don't set the treadmill faster than 8.0 mph you have no business being on." Ok there, Usain Bolt. How about run outside? Also, hello, ignore button.

-PeOpLe WhO tYpE lIkE tHiS.
Seriously, that sentence just took me like 5 minutes to type. Way to make a time waster an even bigger time waster. And this person's counterpart...


-Tha ppl that intenshinully tipe their wurds rong.
If I have to read your post out loud to figure out what the heck you're saying, you're getting an ignore. Get over yourself. Whenever I read these posts I picture that kid from Malibu's Most Wanted (a cinematic classic).

-Peeple whu spell lyke thay never lefft secund grade.
Real quick now? You're=you are, your=your. Lose=reference to weight, loose=what happens to your pants when you lose said weight. Seriously people. Spell check once or twice.

-Parental oversharers.
OK, I am probably (definitely) guilty of this. But I think we should all agree that there are appropriate things about your kids to put on Facebook and inappropriate things. For example, "Stevie just lost his first tooth!" is appropriate. "Stevie just had a major diaper blowout up his back!" is not.

-The cryptic posts.
Example: Joe Smith is worried. Or, Joe Smith can't believe that just happened! Why don't you just say Someone please pay attention to me!!

What am I missing?? I'm off to update my Facebook.

Mug Rug Giveaway

Well, y'all, as I've mentioned a time or two, I'm tired. Between the 3 AM replacing of the pacifier and the boycotting of the afternoon nap by Captain Destructo, my need for caffeine has increased exponentially. So as my two major food groups right now are caffeine and aspartame, I was thrilled when Shellee from Everday Sugar on etsy contacted me about a mug rug giveaway! You can check out all her cute goodies here.

We are giving away a set of two mug rugs like the ones shown above. To win, you must do 3 things:

1. Follow me publicly.
2. "Like" Shellee's page on Facebook.
3. Leave a comment saying "Trials in Toddlerhood sent me" or something to that effect.

The giveaway will close September 13. Good luck!

Giveaway is now closed. Thanks!

Things About 2 Year Olds That Baffle Me

Let's just jump right in, shall we?

1. Inability to control volume.
Captain Destructo has 2 volumes: ridiculously loud and slightly louder. The morehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif I ask her to use her inside voice, the more she gives me a confused look and then continues talking loudly. I'm pretty sure she has Voice Immodulation Disorder.

2. Complete lack of fear for dangerous things, coupled with fear of tiny insignificant things.
Example #1: Captain D is afraid of flies, yet not afraid to careen face first down a slide.
Example #2: Captain D will cry in the bathtub "no like-a the dirt!" at the tiny speck floating in the tub, yet will also jump into 5 feet of water with no adult around.

3. Slavishness to routine.
And by "routine," I don't mean enjoys waking up, having her coffee and then reading the paper starting with the Sports section. I mean I have to read her the same 3 books in the exact same order and ask the exact same reading comprehension questions on each page, in the same precise order. Also, when we go to the gym, she has to hold my membership card and hand it to the front desk clerk ALL BY HERSELF. Then she has to go stick it in the water fountain. Every. Time.

4. Willingness to accept punishment if it means doing what she wants.
I can see her weighing in her head if it's worth it to get out of her bed during naptime, even if it means a timeout. Usually she decides that she'd rather sit in timeout than endure a nap without her cowboy hat and Crocs.

5. The need to do everything herself.
You know how long it would take me to put her shoes on? 2.5 seconds. You know how long it takes her? Well, if you add up the time it takes to put on the first shoe, argue with me about whether or not the shoe is on the wrong foot, throw a tantrum, put the shoe on the right foot, remember that she needs to be holding Elmo doll, and then put the other shoe on, that takes.....about 17 days.

6. The asking of the questions.
"Mommy, whatchu doing?" "Driving." "Oh. What's Daddy doing?" "He's at work." "Oh. What's New Baby doing?" "She's sleeping." "Oh. What's that man doing?" Stop me when this gets familiar.

7. Pickiness with actual food coupled with desire to eat non-food items.
Broccoli and green beans have made it onto the no go list as of late. However, Play Doh and cupcake wrappers are still apparently delicious. Evidently, so are the old dried out Cheerios in the couch cushions.

In 5 more months she'll be 3, which I'm told is worse than 2. Until then, I'll be making plain "pasketti" and reading Goodnight Moon about 755 more times.