Tales from the Pool

Maybe it's due to all the rain that's making South Texas feel more like Seattle, or maybe it's because my sweet husband has been in Germany all week, but the kids and I have been super stir crazy all week. So yesterday afternoon, when the sun finally came out, I announced we were going to spend the afternoon at the pool. And I am still trying to recover.

Our pool is part of our gym, and is actually pretty nice. It's got a huge wade in area that flows into the deeper adult pool. The girls love it so it's a treat for them to get to go. Here's a blow by blow account of our afternoon.By the way, it's important to note that New Baby thinks she's Michael Phelps and likes to plunge into the water, and Captain Destructo thinks she's the Wicked Witch of the West and will melt if water gets on her face.

3:00-Arrive at pool. I attempt to keep the girls from sprinting into the water while I spray them down with sunscreen. (Sidenote: I read somewhere that the aerosol sunscreens are dangerous because kids can inhale them. Guess what? I'm spraying them down anyway. It's way easier to spray them down while they attempt to squirm away then it would be to pin them down and smear lotion all over them.)

3:02-I release the hounds and they sprint (well, New Baby waddles) straight into the water. I stare longingly at the single people sipping drinks and napping on the chairs as I follow the kids in.

3:05-Captain Destructo announces she has to go pee pee. She asks loudly (in front of the lifeguard) if she can pee in the water. Because the lifeguard is awaiting my answer, I say no and shlep all of us to the potty. New Baby is borderline hysterical that I am taking her out of the pool, and is practicing her stiff as a board trick.

3:10-Return to the water. Both kids sprint back into the water and ignore my cries of "walk!" (Former lifeguard here.) New Baby immediately walks out over her head. I pull her up and put her in the shallow area. She walks back out. Repeats this for the next few minutes. Meanwhile, Captain Destructo is yelling "it's a bird, it's a plane, it's SUPER MOLLY!!!" and plunging headfirst into 12 inches of water.

3:15-Captain Destructo has to go pee pee again. Repeat process.

3:30-Captain Destructo finds a friend who is very, very interested in sticking her fingers in New Baby's face. Friend's mother is attempting to stop her and Friend is ignoring her. I never quite know my role in these situations, but eventually get sick of fingers in New Baby's face and tell Friend to go find her mommy. Her mommy tells me "sorry! She loves babies." Well, then! Feel free to poke my baby's eyes! As long as she loves babies.

3:40-I realize my C section scar is showing. Awesome. How long has it been showing? Seriously, why is there not a store called "Appropriate Swimsuits for 30 Somethings"?

4:00-Adult swim. Hysterical shrieks from both kids ensues. The snack bar is inexplicably closed so I attempt to distract them with an old granola bar I find in my purse.

4:15-Adult swim over. Stampede of children into the water.

4:17-Captain Destructo has to go pee pee.

4:30-We are playing in a shallow part. New Baby is picking up someone's goggles and handing them to me over and over. Captain Destructo has announced she's looking for Ariel. Both kids are drinking the water. A lifeguard is staring intently at New Baby and walks over to me while saying "ma'am, she's drinking the water." I try to cover up my lack of concern and say "ok, thank you." What am I supposed to do about that? Muzzle?

4:45-I've had enough fun and both kids are starting to look like Tan Mom's kid, so we call it a day. I wonder, not for the first time, why they don't serve margaritas at the snack bar.