Feeling Postpartumish

It's amazing how much you forget about having a newborn once you are used to having a toddler. You forget how little they are, how often they eat and how little they sleep. You forget how long it takes for the umbilical cord to fall off (New Baby's is still on! Well, half of it is. Is that normal?). You also forget the weird, bizarro stuff that happens to your body AFTER you have given birth. Here are a few of the things I am being reminded of daily. Feel free to join in.

1. Your hair falls out.
Ew, I know, right? Apparently the Pantene commercial hair I enjoyed during pregnancy (and by "enjoyed" I mean threw into a ponytail and tried to keep Captain Destructo from pulling) wasn't meant to be kept. Yesterday in the shower I began noticing giant chunks of hair falling into the drain. If I remember correctly, this lovely phenomena lasts about 6 months. I may look like Mr. Clean by then.


2. You're hot...and not in a good way.
One of the things I had forgotten about a C-section is that morphine makes me super duper itchy. The other thing I forgot is that giving birth makes me feel like I'm in an Indian sweat lodge. I spent 48 hours miserably itchy and sweaty. When I got home, I walked straight to the air conditioning unit and turned it wayy down. Even now, almost 3 weeks later, I wake up in the middle of the night sweating like a hog. Super awesome.

3. You're an idiot.
Whether I can blame this on lack of sleep or hormones I'm not sure, I just know that I'm a freaking moron. Just now I forgot how to spell "once." I had to sit here and think a minute. I've heard of people forgetting how to start a car or write a check. I myself forget common vocabulary and my children's names. Mother of the year here.

4. You still look pregnant.
There is nothing like being done with maternity clothes. I know in the last few weeks of pregnancy I was so sick of elastic waistbands and no pockets that I was ready to go bottomless (and THAT would have made for an attractive sight). A few days after I got home and was ready to be done with pajamas, I walked bravely to my closet and attempted to pull on my old jeans. Not even skinny jeans, but the formerly baggy mom jeans that I wore around the house. I got them to my hips, but the buttons hit my on my hipbones instead of my belly button where they belonged. So even worse than maternity clothes, I am wearing fat jeans that are sadly just barely fitting. Also? I'm nearly bald and sweating like a hog.

5. You hurt. Everywhere.
Obviously, whichever exit route you choose for your baby is bound to be a little tender for a few weeks. Additionally, if possible, your breasts hurt worse. I feel like I've gotten a titty twister from a 5th grader EVERY DAY for the past 3 weeks. There is not enough lanolin in the world. Also, if I may go on a tangent here, breastfeeding is so freaking hard and once I think I've gotten it down, New Baby hits a growth spurt and wants to eat every 3.2 seconds. I panic, call every breastfeeder I know to make sure I am not running out of milk and stare longingly at the sample can of formula the hospital sent home.

6. You're feeling a little blue.
Yes, I have the baby blues. That is, if the baby blues are characterized by plethora of moods ranging from being on the verge of tears every second, to suddenly mad enough to throw a plate, to so in love with my family that I am nearly in tears again.

There are more, I know, but I am too dumb to think of them right now. I'm off to drink some coffee, mop my sweaty brow, and feed New Baby for the 3rd time in the past 2 hours.

Nights in Newbornland

I knew that newborns don't sleep. I just think I forgot how much they hate sleeping at night. Well, let me clarify. Mine likes sleeping at night fine. Just not in her bed. She prefers sleeping on my chest on the couch. This "sleeping" is preceded by 10 minutes of grunting and inching up my chest like an inchworm until her little snorting face is right by mine, then spitting up, and then sleeping. As you can imagine, I am not getting a whole lot in the way of sleep. And as I am also the mother to an overall active, nap-boycotting toddler, I am not getting a lot of naps during the day either. Let me go over my night last night.

7:30 PM-I give Captain Destructo a bath. New Baby falls asleep IN HER BED. I go to bed at 8:30, but I lay there wondering when she will wake up instead of sleeping myself. I fall asleep at 9:15. She wakes up at 9:20.

9:20-Change diaper, feed New Baby. Wait for her to fall asleep and in doing so, fall asleep myself around 11:00. Wake up in a startled haze around 1:15 and put New Baby in her bed. Run to my bed and dive in.

1:30-New Baby wakes up. Change diaper and feed her. Rock her for 30 minutes in her glider. She "falls asleep" at 2 and I put her in her bed, run to mine and dive in.

2:15-Apparently New Baby was playing a funny game. She is awake and demands to be rocked and snuggled more. I put her on my chest, sit on the couch and wake up at 4:45. She wakes up as well and is hungry again.

4:45-Feed New Baby and change diaper again. Wait for her to appear sleepy. She seems extra alert. Actually more alert then ever in her short life.

5:45-Still waiting for her to appear sleepy. Turn on the news. Early morning news is super lame. I am getting sleepy.

7:30-Wake up in a startle on the couch. New Baby is asleep on my chest. I put her in her bed only to realize that Captain Destructo is awake and screaming "Mommy, Mommy!"

So, friends, I'm about to lose my friggin' mind. Any tips for getting a newborn to sleep in her bed?

Adjusting

I'm very pleased to announce that New Baby arrived a week ago! It's a girl and she is an adorable little peanut who rarely cries. I'm feeling very blessed, but we are all adjusting to being a family of four.

Captain Destructo is doing better than expected. Being away from her was way way harder than having a C-section, being pregnant, and having my catheter removed combined. By day 3 in the hospital I was losing my mind, and when the nurse told me we might not be able to leave until 5 PM I was a hysterical crying mess. When we finally did get home, Captain Destucto was a hot mess of neediness. She kept asking me to put New Baby in her bed and whined for pretty much 24 hours straight. Each day has gotten a little better, although yesterday she did throw a blanket over New Baby's head (I'm choosing to believe she was trying to be sweet). I'm looking forward to when New Baby is a little less alien-like and they can play together like sisters and I can update Facebook in peace.

My hubby is the best in the world and he seems to be adjusting the best of all of us. He lets me sleep for a few hours each night and holds New Baby while he works/watches TV/plays James Bond on the Playstation. As hard as it was to sleep in the hospital, at least I had a bed (even though it had the itchiest sheets in the world and I had an IV and a catheter in). He stayed with me for 2 nights and slept in a plastic chair/futon thing that I could hardly stand to sit in.

As for me? Mostly I just miss sleeping. I miss it so much. New Baby does better than her big sister did, but newborns are still hard. I feel like every minute I'm changing or feeding someone or getting someone's pacifier. I'm mourning the loss of my pregnant belly but enjoying my giant boobs. I'm looking forward to being able to leave the house again. I tried last week and it took us so long to get out the door that I was immediately ready for a nap and almost called it quits. I'm also looking forward to looking like a human again, not an amorphous blob with circles under my eyes, giant bruises on my arms, and smelling vaguely of baby puke and lanolin.

Off to take a quick nap. We're all here adjusting.