Feeling Postpartumish

It's amazing how much you forget about having a newborn once you are used to having a toddler. You forget how little they are, how often they eat and how little they sleep. You forget how long it takes for the umbilical cord to fall off (New Baby's is still on! Well, half of it is. Is that normal?). You also forget the weird, bizarro stuff that happens to your body AFTER you have given birth. Here are a few of the things I am being reminded of daily. Feel free to join in.

1. Your hair falls out.
Ew, I know, right? Apparently the Pantene commercial hair I enjoyed during pregnancy (and by "enjoyed" I mean threw into a ponytail and tried to keep Captain Destructo from pulling) wasn't meant to be kept. Yesterday in the shower I began noticing giant chunks of hair falling into the drain. If I remember correctly, this lovely phenomena lasts about 6 months. I may look like Mr. Clean by then.


2. You're hot...and not in a good way.
One of the things I had forgotten about a C-section is that morphine makes me super duper itchy. The other thing I forgot is that giving birth makes me feel like I'm in an Indian sweat lodge. I spent 48 hours miserably itchy and sweaty. When I got home, I walked straight to the air conditioning unit and turned it wayy down. Even now, almost 3 weeks later, I wake up in the middle of the night sweating like a hog. Super awesome.

3. You're an idiot.
Whether I can blame this on lack of sleep or hormones I'm not sure, I just know that I'm a freaking moron. Just now I forgot how to spell "once." I had to sit here and think a minute. I've heard of people forgetting how to start a car or write a check. I myself forget common vocabulary and my children's names. Mother of the year here.

4. You still look pregnant.
There is nothing like being done with maternity clothes. I know in the last few weeks of pregnancy I was so sick of elastic waistbands and no pockets that I was ready to go bottomless (and THAT would have made for an attractive sight). A few days after I got home and was ready to be done with pajamas, I walked bravely to my closet and attempted to pull on my old jeans. Not even skinny jeans, but the formerly baggy mom jeans that I wore around the house. I got them to my hips, but the buttons hit my on my hipbones instead of my belly button where they belonged. So even worse than maternity clothes, I am wearing fat jeans that are sadly just barely fitting. Also? I'm nearly bald and sweating like a hog.

5. You hurt. Everywhere.
Obviously, whichever exit route you choose for your baby is bound to be a little tender for a few weeks. Additionally, if possible, your breasts hurt worse. I feel like I've gotten a titty twister from a 5th grader EVERY DAY for the past 3 weeks. There is not enough lanolin in the world. Also, if I may go on a tangent here, breastfeeding is so freaking hard and once I think I've gotten it down, New Baby hits a growth spurt and wants to eat every 3.2 seconds. I panic, call every breastfeeder I know to make sure I am not running out of milk and stare longingly at the sample can of formula the hospital sent home.

6. You're feeling a little blue.
Yes, I have the baby blues. That is, if the baby blues are characterized by plethora of moods ranging from being on the verge of tears every second, to suddenly mad enough to throw a plate, to so in love with my family that I am nearly in tears again.

There are more, I know, but I am too dumb to think of them right now. I'm off to drink some coffee, mop my sweaty brow, and feed New Baby for the 3rd time in the past 2 hours.