When I was in high school, I was introduced to the awesome game "Never Have I Ever...". If you've never played, basically someone says something they've never done and if you have done it, you take a drink. Well, this is the parent version. These are things I swore I'd never do before having kids, but now do. If you do them too, take a drink of your morning coffee with me!
1. Have a house that looks like Toys R Us.
Totally guilty here. Here is my awesome justification-if I have to eat plastic kitchen food and put diapers on Elmo all day, I'd rather do it in the living room where at least I can sit on my couch or grab a snack. However, no matter the http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifjustification, I always have second thoughts about that position when I trip over a plastic pineapple at 3 AM when I am going to get the baby.
2. Jabber incessantly about my kids.
Ever see the movie Mean Girls where Lindsay Lohan's character talks about word vomit? When you don't mean to keep talking but the words keep coming up? Yeah, that's me. My conversations all begin normally, and when I talk to people without kids I always try to censor what I say because I do realize that they don't care that New Baby slept for 4 hours IN HER BED last night or that Captain Destructo calls Minnie Mouse "Missy Mouse." But yet, it keeps coming up. This is also related to Facebook posts, where I'm sure 99% of what I post is kid related. As long as I don't end up on this website, I'm okay with that.
3. Wipe my kid's nose on my shirt.
Totally guilty here. I also use my shirt to wipe up New Baby's spit up when I can't find a burp rag, and also do the spit-on-my-hand, wipe-the-face thing when we are out and Captain Destructo's face is dirty. Yeah, I'm totally gross.
4. Let my kid eat junk.
How hard is it to give your kids a piece of fruit, pre-children me asked? Turns out, sometimes giving them a cookie is way easier. Yes, my (mostly) breastfed, homeade organic baby food eating toddler now knows that the grocery store is where we get a cookie, Starbucks is where we get a cake pop (try these by the way! Sooo yummy!), and the only reason to sit on the potty is to get a Hershey's kiss. Yay, me.
5. Look like a mom.
Not that I was super fashionable before, but I had my standards. As it turns out, a newborn and a 2 year old aren't the best shopping companions, and since I'm at Target 5 days a week anyway, I'm buying my clothes there. Also, my body is, umm...less then ideal at the moment. Therefore you will see me in giant mom jeans and a T shirt that is baggy enough to cover my muffin top. I am wearing New Baby in a Moby wrap and hoping people look at her more than me a lot lately.
Did you finish your coffee yet? Feel free to add yours!
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