My Secret Talents

Life with one toddler was pretty hectic. Life with one toddler and one newborn is pretty much off the chain crazy. But in the midst of the craziness, I have discovered that I possess secret talents that have been laying dormant, just waiting for me to have 2 small children to be put to good use. Here are just a few.

1. Translating Toddler-ease
I can't tell you how many times my husband has said "what'd she say?" to me. My translation talents, rivaling those of a United Nations translator, have peaked these past few months as Captain Destructo has been speaking more. "Mommy, watch Elmo Potty an' jumpy on da bed?" is her obvious desire to watch Elmo's Potty Time while jumping on the bed, and "Holju Miss Mouse!" means she wants to hold her sister's Minnie Mouse. Duh.

2. Moving at warp speed
The other day, between the hours of 6:30 and 8:30 AM, I nursed the baby twice, did and Insanity workout, pumped 2 ounces of milk, made breakfast, cleaned up breakfast, swept and mopped the floor, and attempted to wake up my husband approximately 37 times. Apparently I am related to The Flash.

3. Supernatural Ability to Ignore Crying
New Baby hates the car with the fury of a thousand suns. Hates it. Screams like a wild banshee the entire time we are in there. Sadly for her, there's not a whole lot I can do for her while we're in there. I attempt to reach back and replace her pacifier and occasionally shake the carseat and say "shhhhhh" about 30,000 times, but that's about it. I've learned to just tune it out. The other day we got to Target and I was surprised to see her crying when I got her out of the car. Turns out she'd been crying the whole time. Oops.

4. Freakish Strength
I have been running lately while pushing the double stroller. This means a 35 lb toddler, a 11 lb baby, a 20 lb stroller, 10 lb carseat, and however much 6 books, a sippy cup, peanut butter crackers and a bunch of pacifiers weigh. I also occasionally carry both kids at the same time. I am still a flabby mess so don't be too impressed.

5. Superhuman ability to go without sleep.
Just like all of you, I get far less sleep than I want but am doing alright. If by "alright" you mean tripping over toys, craving coffee and daydreaming about big beds, hammocks, and pillows. Sidenote: I read that not only do you need 8 hours of sleep, you need 8 hours of sleep IN A ROW to be functioning optimally. I ask you, when is the last time you got 8 hours of sleep in a row? I think for me it was sometime in 2005.

Next week I'll write about all my epic fails. Now I'm off to save another day!