Sunday, May 1, 2011
My Epic Failures
Although this list could be much, much longer, here are some of the things I currently suck at.
1. Paying attention to my husband
And I'm not just talking bom-chicka-wow-wow. I mean I forget to wake him up in the mornings and occasionally forget to buy him food when I go grocery shopping. Apparently if you are over 3 feet tall you don't exist in my mind. Sorry, honey. I'd like to blame lack of sleep for that one (as I do everything else). Which leads me to #2.
2. Tolerating other people's complaints about being tired
For the record, I exclude all moms from this intolerance. Not included? People complaining about being tired on Facebook, due to (a) various pets keeping them up, (b) being hungover, or (c) staying up too late. You may very well be more tired than me, but I am full of self-pity and don't want to hear about it. You can put your various noise-making pets outside for the night, whereas putting a crying and hungry New Baby outside is generally frowned upon. As for being hungover or staying up too late, yeah, well, been there, done that. Still don't want to hear you complain about it.
3. Falling to sleep
Since all I do is whine about how tired I am, you'd think I'd fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. But instead I lay there and think about how I need to sleep and how New Baby is going to wake up any second, and then my heart starts beating faster and I'm up for another hour. It doesn't help that every major news event seems to happen between the hours of midnight and 4 AM. When I do fall asleep, I have crazy dreams. Last night I dreamed I was talking to Osama bin Laden, and last week I dreamed I interviewed Will and Kate. I may or may not have had a naughty dream about Shawn T from the Insanity workouts too. Oops.
4.Learning from my mistakes.
You think by now I would learn to keep doors shut. The answer to "where is Captain Destructo?" is never good, and usually involves some type of personal care product. Yesterday she rubbed a tube of Desitin in her hair.
So there you have it. Since I also suck at remembering, I'm sure I will add more to this list tomorrow.