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My Favorite Things

  • Naptime
  • Caffeine in various forms
  • Italy
  • The Beach
  • Family camping trips
  • The gym
  • Storytime at the Library
  • Rachael Ray
  • Running

Monday, November 28, 2011

What Santa Won't Be Bringing Us

Every year, I flip through the Toys R Us catalog and shake my head at the crap that toy designers make every year. I'm not sure who these people are or why they hate parents, but I pledge to not let these horrible toys inside down our chimney. Here's a few gems from this year.

1. Monster High Dolls
Someone please explain these to me. Barbie for the goth crowd? Slutty zombies? I myself am getting a little sick of the vampire/werewolf/dead thing trend. I certainly don't need it for my toddler.

2. Moon Dough
Everytime I let Captain Destructo play with Play Doh, and I find it encrusted in our carpet 2 days later, I think to myself, "wow, I wish there was a messier version of this! Thanks , Moon Dough!" Yeah. No thanks.

3. Baby Dolls that make sounds and/or excrete things
True story. I walked down the baby doll aisle at Target and it scared the bejeezus out of me. One step set off an entire aisle of (very lifelike sounding) crying. Several dolls actually REQUIRE YOU TO CHANGE THEIR DIAPERS. For real.

4. Bratz
Ok, I have to know who is buying these things. I cannot find one redeeming quality. The dolls are dressed like tiny hookers (why all the corsets? Why?), have snotty expressions that make me want to slap them, encourage girls to be brats, and are spelled with an unnecessary z (I hatez when people do that).

5. Let's Rock Elmo
Sesame Street, why do you hate me? I watch your show everyday; I own a mess of DVDs, 2 Abby Cadabbys, an Ernie, a Zoe, 2 Grovers and a Prairie Dawn. I also own not 1, not 2, but 8 Elmos. Yet you continue to make Elmo toys louder and more annoying. This one plays a drum and sings in that Elmo voice. You know the one that haunts you in your sleep. Also costs $55 and will require more and more accessories, including but not limited to a Let's Rock Elmo T-shirt. And, since my children think they live on Sesame Street (when going to the grocery store Captain D says we're going to Hooper's Store), I'm sure someone in my family will buy one for us. Maybe Santa will bring me earplugs?

Hopefully Santa will oblige my requests. What toys are on your naughty list this year?


  1. Great list! Thanks for the laughs. There's a lot of junk being sold as toys.

  2. I agree. Thankfully (or not) our Christmas will be filled with video games and princesses.

  3. Polly Pocket...why does she have to be so tiny and why do you need to change her shoes?? I hate that toy designers have just made toys smaller in order to be affordable. IE: squinkies. As a mama of a 10 month old those are like a chocolate covered strawberry to my baby girl!