When I was pregnant with Captain Destructo, I used to envision all the fun things I would do with my kids. I would be Ideal Mom, taking her to various activities that stimulate her physically and intellectually. Since she has become a toddler, I have quickly generated this list of Things That Aren't As Much Fun As I Thought They Would Be.
1. The Playground Oh, the playground. I remember going to the playground as a kid. My mom would pack us a picnic lunch, which we would quietly (and while sitting down) eat and then spend hours playing nicely and appropriately on the equipment. What I didn't remember is that I must have been either (a) over the age of 2, or (b) heavily medicated, because the reality of the playground with a toddler is much different. Molly has a blast at the playground. Her favorite game is screaming "no, share!" at the kids who are on the swings, and then swinging on them for approximately 10 seconds when they are free. Sometimes she also likes climbing up the inappropriate-for-a-one-year-old ladder and getting stuck. This game is extra fun for me, as I am 6 1/2 months pregnant and the size of a small hippo. I get to attempt to shimmy up the adjacent ladder and bail her out, all the while hoping that the "ages 5-12" notice is more of a guideline than a rule.
2. Storytime at the library I had high hopes for storytime. For the first 8 months or so, storytime was great. Captain Destructo would look adorable and stare at the other babies while I got the chance to see other grown ups and pick up some books. Now that she can walk, talk, and refuse to sit still when not in front of the TV, storytime involves her singing one song, then yelling "ball! ball!" for the next 15 minutes while I chase her around the room and try to get her to sit. Last time we went another mom told me she was "really something!" It'll be a while before we're back.
3. The Pool The pool is one of those places that is really fun for the first 2 minutes. Captain Destructo splashes in the baby pool while I sit and try to forget the fact that the baby pool is really a large potty. But, inevitably, splashing turns into spotting something really exciting, like a leaf, outside the pool, and I spend the rest of the time running around on the scalding hot pool deck trying to lure her back in.
4. Reading Books I'm a former teacher and current bookworm, so I fully get the importance of reading books. We do enjoy our reading time, but you know the drill. "More book?" really means "read me this same book over and over, and you had better count each of the ducks on each page and make the quacking sounds or you'll rue the day." You know what's more fun than reading the same book about Elmo? Watching a movie about Elmo. Just saying.