Things I Regret Saying to My Kids

1. "This toy's name is Elmo."
I will now spend a million dollars on Elmo paraphanelia.

2. "If you're a good girl in Target, you can have a cookie."
So now you get one every time we go anywhere.

3. "If you're a good girl at the grocery store, you can have a cookie."
Ditto.

4. "This is called a cookie."
See above.

5. "Ooh, let's get a little potty instead of a seat for the big potty!"
I wish the little potty came with a disclaimer: this potty, when used, will be completely impossible to clean out without much gagging.

6. "Sure, let's put the little potty in the living room."
Welcome to our home, friends. What's that over there? Oh, it's just a 2 year old trying to poop in the living room. No biggie.

7. "Why don't you play with Daddy's playbook while you sit on the potty?"
And you will never spend less than 20 minutes on the potty at a time again.

8. "I think you need some toys."
Yes, I actually remember saying this to Captain Destructo when she was a baby. I felt bad for her because she didn't have enough toys. Sigh.

9. "Why don't you give New Baby a hug?"
And now poor New Baby can't sit for a minute without Captain D. smothering her.


10. "I guess we don't need to brush your teeth tonight."
And now brushing her teeth involves me sneaking up on her with the toothbrush, pinning her hands back and trying to hold her still enough to get 5 seconds of brushing. Pretty sure she'll need toddler dentures.