Threats to Summer Vacation

I have to admit I'm a huge fan of summer. As a former teacher, I would stare all year long at the date of the last day of school circled in red. I started the countdown sometime in October. Now that I'm a stay at home mom, my views of summer "vacation" have changed some. First, no one came on Memorial Day and offered to keep the kids until Labor Day, sadly (ok, I guess I would miss them a little). Here are a few more of the things that threaten to ruin a perfectly good summer.

1. Pools + Fearless Toddler + Mommy with a Newborn=Disaster
So Captain Destructo thinks she's Michael Phelps. As a former swimmer, I'm pretty proud of her. She loves jumping into the big pool with her Daddy, going under, blowing bubbles, and all that jazz. I learned the hard way that going to the pool is an activity that requires more than one adult. Last week, we were playing in a baby pool (and by we I mean I was gossiping and holding the baby while she bobbed around and stole other kid's toys). She took a step in the water and lost her footing. Luckily I saw it happen and ran in. It was just like Baywatch, if instead of a hot lifeguard it was an out of shape housewife, and if instead of a buoy she was holding a baby. We all went in the water, dragged the Captain out, and that was the end of that pool trip.

2 The Sun
I live in San Antonio, which is Spanish for "hotter than the surface of the sun." Or something like that, Spanish was never my best subject. It's like crazy hot here. All Captain Destructo wants to do is play outside. This involves 10 minutes of applying sunscreen to her, 10 minutes of trying to decide if I should put sunscreehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifn on the baby even though she's younger than the recommendation, putting a hat on New Baby, strapping her into the Beco Gemini, getting water for all, and then being outside for 10 minutes before we all want to go in and eat popsicles. If the pool wasn't a giant death trap that's where we'd be.

3. Actual Vacations
As previously mentioned, the idea of a vacation with little kids is, um, slightly different from pre-kid vacation. You know it will be different if getting on the plane involves a double stroller, 2 carseats, Elmo DVDs, sippy cups, pacifiers, and a partridge in a pear tree. And that's before you get to where you're going. After this vacation, all you want to do is sleep, because God knows your kids haven't done that all week.

4. The Kids that are Out Of School
Hey moms of elementary schoolers, I like your kids. Really. And I totally know that you missed your kids during the school year and they want to go to the playgrounds and mall playplaces and all that fun stuff. But still I manage to get irritated when all our go-to places to play are chock full of big kids. My already short fuse for playgrounds gets even shorter when I have to keep moving Captain Destructo away from overly helpful big kids (and I know I will be a parent of one of those big kids in just a few years).

5. Longer Days
I remember loving the long days, when the sun doesn't go down until 10 PM and I could sit outside forever at night. But then I had kids. The progression of putting kids to sleep at night goes like this:
0-2 weeks: baby sleeps all the time.
2 weeks to 3 months: do whatever you can to get baby to sleep. Mine slept on me, on the swing, on the carseat, wherever.
3 months to 1 year: actually try to get the baby to sleep in their bed. Becomes more successful at putting babies to bed.
1 year on: Child does whatever they can to avoid sleeping. This involves suggesting they need a drink, a snack, a kiss, a hug, another story, and in the case of Captain Destructo, a kiss between each slat of the crib. Add to the equation the fact that it's still bright outside until an hour past bedtime? MY KID WILL NEVER EVER GO TO BED.

6. Self esteem
Hi, my name is Kristin, my body image sucks. Also? I had a baby 3 months ago and, despite having lost most of the weight, my abdomen is all blobby and I have this weird skin thing hanging over my C-section scar. Also too? All the women who go to the pool at my gym are either (a) freakishly thin, (b) shockingly muscular, or (c) both. And even though I tell myself, "well, surely they don't have kids" they always come to the pool in their teeny bikinis with a flock of children in tow. I want to scream "did you give birth to those kids?! Do you ever eat or leave the gym?! And if the answer to either of those is yes please tell me what the heck you are doing to look like that." And then I keep my coverup on and sit under the pool umbrella with New Baby covering me up. The end.

So although I love summer, fall is looking more attractive by the day.