I don't know what it is about a baby that makes everyone want to offer you advice. Maybe I looked just completely clueless with a baby, but it seemed like whenever I brought Captain Destructo out in public, everyone and their grandmother had some timeless wisdom to offer. Here are a few gems. Feel free to add yours.
1. When the baby bites you, bite them back.
I'm not sure where this one got started, but I've heard it multiple times. Really, people? Bite them back? And when they are teenagers and yell "I hate you!" do you yell that back too?
2. Don't bring your baby out in public or they'll end up in the hospital!
Because I can't think of what a brand-new, sleep-deprived, slightly depressed new mother needs more than to be told that their baby will end up in the hospital. If I brought the baby into a daycare center or was allowing strangers to touch her, I concede that she may have a chance of getting sick. When I was offered that advice, we were in Target and she was wrapped in a sling. Unless someone opened the sling and sneezed on her, I think we were okay.
3. Don't pick up that baby or you'll spoil her!
Honestly, when I hadn't slept in a month (more if you count the high quality sleep I got the last trimester of pregnancy) I could have cared less if I would spoil her. I just cared about making her stop crying. Also? Pretty sure you can't spoil a 6 week old. I wasn't giving her ponies or anything.
4. Ooh, it's hot out. You should give her water in a cup.
While this is appropriate advice for a toddler, or even a baby nearing one year, I found it interesting when offered to my four month old. Give her a cup? Sure. After that I'll grill her up some filet mignon and asparagus.
5. Rub a little whiskey on her gums. It'll help with her teething.
Can we all just agree that giving alcohol to a baby is generally frowned upon? As is using alcohol as a pain killer. At least until the baby turns 28 and has their first child.
6. Why don't you just turn on the Disney Channel?"
Now, if you've been reading this blog at all you know I am pro-TV. Magic box that has pretty pictures so Mama can take a shower without yelling "no, don't eat that!" out the door? Awesome. However, I'm not sure 3 months old is an appropriate age to start with the TV watching. Also, if you have seen anything on the Disney Channel lately, you will know that most shows are highly annoying. We've been watching the tube for a good year now and have yet to turn on the Disney Channel.
That's just a few. Do you have anymore to add?
I guess this isn't really advice, but I get really tired of being asked "Where are your baby's socks and/or shoes?" I want to say "Where is your body's ability to regulate your internal body temperature? Because it is 70 degrees outside."
ReplyDeleteOh, I know! That and "where's that baby's hat?" Really?! We live in South Texas, not Alaska.
ReplyDelete"Why don't you put some rice cereal in that baby's bottle so she'll sleep?"
ReplyDeleteYeah, really? Because her gut is so mature and can handle that at SIX WEEKS OLD? Not so much.
"You need to stop nursing that baby!" (My dear FIL). Yeah, and you need to shut the eff up. She's seven months old. Seriously. Shut. It.
"If you don't put that baby in a crib, she'll never learn to sleep on her own." And if I let her sleep with me, we both sleep. Seems like a win-win to me.
"That baby oughta be walking by now!" (not directed at my baby, but at a baby a month older than mine, who had turned 12 months like 2 seconds before). Yeah, because truly, what first-time moms need to stress MORE about is if their baby isn't meeting an appropriate milestone. Of which "walking at 12 months" is not one.
I have dozens, if not hundreds, more. But I'm starting to be pissed off all over again. With this baby, I figure, "This is #4. #s 1, 2, and 3 are healthy as can be, pretty stinking smart and generally polite and well-behaved. I must not suck at this." Also, I feel like "I've raised (or am raising) FOUR kids. If you have less than that, you need to step the hell off." But I'm sweet like that :) In truth, I pretty much smile and nod, and sometimes, if it's truly outrageous advice, I'll say, "Really? That's interesting. I'll never consider doing it, but it's interesting that you think so."
Oh gosh, the rice cereal in the bottle thing! Once I was working in the baby room at church and a baby came in with a bottle that had just rice cereal in it w/water (I guess we were supposed to add the formula). Seriously it took me like 10 minutes to figure out what was in the bottle and what I was supposed to do with it. It was bizarro.
ReplyDelete