Black Friday: A Cautionary Tale

Note: I do realize Black Friday was over a month ago, but I kept forgetting to write this. Whaddaryagonnado.


This year, I decided I would go Black Friday shopping for the very first time. Not for the extra special deals, not for the first dibs at hot new stuff, but simply to go shopping ALL BY MYSELF without having to get a babysitter.

I learned something important about Black Friday shoppers.

You're all freaking nuts.

When I pulled into the Target parking lot at 5AM to the most jam packed lot I had ever seen, I convinced myself that it wouldn't be that bad. Surely not all of those cars could be going to Target, right? There was an Office Max next door....maybe everyone was after shredders and printers. I lumbered out of the car and waddled to the door, where I discovered that I was gravely wrong. There were roughly 8.3 million people crammed into the store. Most were wandering around the front of the store looking for a cart (or a buggy, for those of you native Southerners). I realized it was a mistake to bypass the shopping carts in the parking lot in hopes of getting inside faster. After milling around trying to get a cart for awhile, I snagged one from some unsuspecting lady and was on my way.

Now, what to get? I knew The Hubby would want some DVDs for his stocking so I headed to the electronics section. Let's try to squeeze my huge belly and empty cart down the first aisle....nope, too many people there. How about here...wow, even more people here. Last aisle...OK, I'll go to Best Buy later. Forget electronics. On to the toy section for Captain Destructo.

20 minutes later, after maneuvering around people searching like vultures for discounted TVs, chairs and washcloths (washcloths, really people? They're like $2 at Wal-Mart. Is it worth waking up at 4:00 for washcloths?), I made it to the toy section, where I quickly found an open aisle and parked my cart. This is probably a Black Friday faux pas, but I was so tired I didn't care. It took me about 30 seconds to grab the junk, I mean toys, I had scoped out earlier and I headed for the checkout.

I pushed my cart up to a group of people in the middle of the store. I looked around them to discover that they were the end of the line. Super. I rested on my cart and started checking Facebook on my phone while waiting (surprisingly, not a lot of people on Facebook at 5AM). A few minutes later, I started feeling a little....iffy. It occured to me that I hadn't eaten anything before leaving the house. Apparently Pregnant Me finds this to be a very, very big deal. I started feeling dizzy and really hot. Great, I thought. Now I am going to pass out in Target and won't even get to buy all this crap I woke up to get. There was nowhere to sit, so I kind of squatted near the floor for a few minutes until I felt better. When I stood up, I immediately felt sick again, so I had to repeat the squatting/move forward about 1/4 and inch for the next HOUR until I reached the checkout. The women behind me asked if I was okay, and I told them to drag me to the checkout if I passed out and put my stuff on the belt. I was completely serious.

Finally I was able to pay for my stuff and stumble out of the store. My reward? A $10 Target gift card.

Next year, I'll be shopping online.